Our Travel Horoscope
 

Aries

You are an active and determined traveler and feel best in a place where things are happening. You make your presence known: Aries is the first volunteer to participate in the evening show, to pull the piano indoors when it starts to rain, and to hoist a stack of sun loungers across the beach to the spot where your family wants to sit. Watch where you thread, though (Huh? What sand castle?). Aries can be the life of the party, but when you see people digging out their noise-reduction headphones in front of you, it’s a hint that you’re a bit too loud.

 

Taurus

You don’t need much on vacations: a soft bed, eggs for breakfast, and peace and quiet. Blasting Salsa and high-pitched entertainment are not for you, and neither is a cabin in the rain forest since you need a certain level of comfort. Once your basic needs are met though, the mint for Mojitos can run out, the piano player can get plastered and tinkle the Flea Waltz all night, and the whole resort may collapse – you’ll just sit there and shrug stoically. But if someone steps on your Taurus tail (butting in line, yelling at a waitress): watch the horns extend, steam blowing out of your nostrils, and the offenders run for their lives!

 

Gemini

Your split personality wants both that idyllic dream-beach and a bustling metropolis where they serve nightcaps for breakfast. You’re willing to travel any distance, even in a hot-air balloon if need be. Better pick a vacation spot close to some action! Your idea of punishment is being cooped up at a sleepy beach resort. You have great verbal entertaining skills and often keep an all-nighter going at the 24-hour lobby bar. Watch for signs of boredom, though: if your audience starts to yawn, puts on their pajamas and brushes their teeth in front of you, it’s time to shut up and go to sleep.

 

Cancer

You are a water baby and need proximity to the ocean (get a beach-front room and watch a cancer spouse melt). However, Cancer also needs an ample range of comforts: lower-star or “rustic” hotels have been cited as a reason for divorce by crabby crabs! Once well-rested and sufficiently fed, you are among the nicest and most charming hotel guests. But watch your moodiness. In 90 percent of cases, that lone tourist crouched on the far end of the beach is not a brooding artist but a ticked-off Cancer!

 

Leo

Dear Leo, don’t even think about booking a remote beach resort – you need marble, lights and action! You are in absolute heaven when the kids clap at your performance on the dive board, if a busy waitress takes the time to light your expensive cigar, or if that beautiful cabaret show singer keeps looking at you and nobody else in the audience. You love to organize vacations for the whole family – but consider that everybody has different tastes, and don’t pout if you’re not applauded for each and every detail that worked out thanks to your picking skills.

 

Virgo

Here is another sign that loves planning vacations. You’re so detail-oriented that only a Virgo would say: “Well, I picked a hotel with a dark sand beach because it will match my tan!” Virgos remember to pack little comforts such as favorite blankets and picture frames to decorate hotel rooms. Watch out for over-planning and too much devotion to detail, though… orange beach sandals are perfectly acceptable even if they clash with the hotel's beige walls. And while packing, keep repeating: “The kitchen sink stays home, the kitchen sink…”

 

Libra

You’re driven to find the perfect balance: value for money, right mix of beach and action, and a full range of options to please every member in your travel party. Your secret rule of thumb: the larger your travel party, the larger the hotel or resort to select! You are a charming hotel guest who smoothes over many a tiff by pointing out that there’s enough sunshine for everyone. Keep in mind that not everything will even out and that off-kilter angles make life interesting. And don’t bring the kitchen scale for weighing the different food groups at the buffet… You’re on holiday! 

 

Scorpio

You are the sign that contributes the most to hotel improvements: if something isn't right, Scorpio points it out. There’s no way they will sell you an "ocean view room" which is actually a street front chamber with an ocean painted on the wall. And if you see someone being short-changed at the cash, you will stand up for the victim even if you lose half a day at the beach. Scorpio, here’s a little observation from the other signs: you are incredibly sexy when you are mad! So know when to quit and take advantage...

 

Sagittarius

It must have been a Sagittarius who found those hidden beaches on Mexico's West coast or the secret bars in Havana. You need to roam and discover. As long as the resort has surroundings you can criss-cross on a bike, a scooter or a rental car, you’re happy. You are also the one who scouts the hotel shortly after arrival and reports back where the tennis court and the mini-golf can be found. Remember not to get lost on your excursions … it might be tempting to jump into that abandoned fishing boat to see what’s on the other side of the bay, but your family is waiting for you at the hotel, ready for dinner.

 

Capricorn

You are the philosopher among the signs and above the petty things - both in life and during your travels – while insisting on high standards: a Capricorn can live on a limited menu but won’t tolerate a sloppily run resort. You are most happy in a hotel with excellent service or in a rainforest resort. You value nature and can sit all day on a lonely beach discovering new colors in the ocean. Sometimes you may want to consider that not all species long for perfection like you do… try to fit the less accomplished into some philosophical slot. Knowing you, there will be one you come up with.

 

Aquarius

You are so easy-going that you’re fine anywhere. Your relaxed attitude helps you cope with every calamity – if a pipe is leaking into your room, you’ll hope it’s the lobby bar’s beer line. If it pours all day long, you wink at your spouse and unpack the Viagra or suddenly start to like Jacky Collins novels because they’re the only books in the hotel library. However, don’t let others take advantage of your generous disposition. For example, if someone jumps the line right in front of you, practice a disapproving stare  for starters.

 

Pisces

You are the most mysterious of the signs, and nobody – not even you – will be able to say why you love a hotel or why it drives you up the wall. That makes planning difficult but every trip an adventure: neither you nor your traveling party knows how it works out! However, you quickly come up with immediate solutions should things go wrong and you are incredibly flexible. Pisces usually have an aura of distinction and may succeed easier than other signs to obtain upgrades. As a dual sign - 2 fish symbols - Pisces can be either extremely even-tempered and easy going or the life of the party... that's why they are impossible to categorize.